Maryamu Joseph talks to Aid to the Church in Need (ACN) about her ordeal and the help she got at an ACN-funded psychological support center in Nigeria
ACN, Patience Ibile – Two months ago, 16-year-old Maryamu Joseph escaped from Boko Haram after being held captive for nine years. Along with 21 others, she was abducted in 2014 at the age of seven when the terrorist group attacked her community of Bazzar in northern Nigeria and took her to a camp. Two of her brothers later ended up in the same camp. One of them was killed and the other remains in captivity. Maryamu talks to the Pontifical Foundation Aid to the Church in Need (ACN) about her ordeal and the help she received at a psychological support center built thanks to ACN.
How would you describe what you went through?
Nine years in slavery! Nine years of torture! Nine years of agony! We suffered so much at the hands of those heartless and ruthless people. For nine years we saw the innocent blood of my Christian brothers spilled, murdered by people who do not value life. They killed without remorse, as if it were normal. Those nine years wasted in the Sambisa forest cannot be forgotten in the blink of an eye. Words do not do justice to what I experienced.
When and how were you captured?
Boko Haram attacked my community in February 2013. After a massacre that left countless dead, they took 22 of us into a thick forest, we walked for 22 days before we reached our destination. They locked the Christians in cages, as if they were animals, the first thing they did was to forcibly convert us to Islam. They changed my name to Aisha, a Muslim name, and warned us not to pray as Christians or they would kill us. When I turned 10, they wanted to marry me to one of their chiefs but I refused. As punishment, they locked me in a cage for a whole year. They brought me food once a day and put it under the door without ever opening the cage.
In November 2019, they captured two of my brothers and brought them to the camp. God only knows what I felt when I saw them. I was filled with intense anger, I felt like taking a machete and chopping them up one by one. Before my eyes, they took one of my brothers and killed him. They cut off his head, then his hands, legs and stomach. They treated my brother’s body like a chicken before it was cooked. Totally devastated, I asked myself, «Who will be next?». A few days later, I started having nightmares and suffering from hallucinations. I saw people and heard voices I didn’t even know. Sometimes armed people would come up to me to hurt me, when I screamed, I felt a hand on my shoulder and one of my companions would say, «Calm down! Breathe! You will be fine. It was then that I realized it was only a dream.
You were held captive for nine years. How did you manage to escape?
On July 8, 2022, at around 1 a.m., the camp was quiet and everyone was sleeping except for my cabin mates and me, so the twelve of us decided to escape. At first, I didn’t know whether to stay because of my little sister, who was in another cabin, but when I thought I might spend the rest of my life in that camp, I decided I had to leave, no matter what. We ducked out of the camp and ran through the thick forest. We kept going as far as our legs would carry us, for two days, until we finally reached Maiduguri on July 10, 2022. When we arrived, I fainted, when I woke up I was in the arms of a good Samaritan who gave us water and food to regain our strength. Later, I arrived at the camp managed by the Church.
How was your experience at the trauma center?
The first thing they did was to pray for me and encourage me to return to the faith. I am happy to be back to Christianity, since I came back to Maiduguri the pain has diminished. I hope that, in time, God will help me overcome my bitterness and embrace peace, although I don’t see that happening anytime soon. I still feel that pain ringing in my ears, I still have nightmares, although not as bad as before. Thanks to the Trauma Center I no longer have hallucinations.
What have you learned at the trauma center?
When I came to Maiduguri, before I started my healing process, I couldn’t stand men! I couldn’t look them in the eye. They disgusted me. Now, thanks to my healing process, I have learned to let go of the hatred.
I think I have learned to adapt to the outside world and to talk to people. My relationship with my caregivers is becoming very friendly, no longer aggressive, as it was at the beginning of my healing process.
As for my training, I want to learn how to make beautiful dresses, shoes and bags.
Has your suffering brought you closer to God?
What I went through distanced me from God, it is very difficult for me to go back to Him, because it is difficult for me to regain trust in Him. I try to convince myself that He is still God, but I don’t assimilate it. I felt abandoned by God because of what happened. They say that God is all-powerful and that He is not a partial God. So why didn’t He help me when I needed it most?
Has all this challenged your faith?
Yes, but I am getting better day by day. Returning to Christianity after nine years of practicing Islam is a great effort. At first it seems almost impossible. My mind is still full of anger, bitterness and anguish, pain comes and goes. One minute I am happy and the next minute the pain returns.
Do you think you can forgive those who hurt you and your loved ones?
Forgive those heartless beings? I don’t think I will be able to forgive them. I need time to digest everything that has happened to me and then, maybe, but just maybe, we can talk about forgiveness. But not today, today I can’t forgive them.
What are your hopes for the future?
At the moment I don’t think about that. Right now, I just want to be me again. I want to be free of the pain and anguish I feel. But I would like to get an education, go to school, learn to make friends and speak English.
I would like to study law to defend the defenseless. I appeal to all those who have been touched by God to help me. I don’t feel full and truly safe, I need to get out of this environment and start over. It would make me very happy to get a scholarship to go to school. I’m just thinking out loud, but I would be very excited to have my wish come true.
The Maiduguri Diocese Trauma Center was built with financial support from Aid to the Church in Need. The center, designed to help people who have suffered various forms of violence at the hands of Boko Haram, will officially open in November, but has already helped more than twenty people to overcome severe cases of trauma and post-traumatic stress disorder, as well as offering counseling and vocational training to victims. The center already has a team of 24 people working on counseling and social integration, but there are plans to employ twenty more. When it reaches full capacity, the center will be able to care for forty victims at a time.